


Trust Issues

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: Carth and Dartak - or Revan - deal with the fallout of Malak's revelation on the Leviathan.





	1. Chapter 1

The Ebon Hawk was travelling through hyperspace. They were taking a slow, circuitous route to Korriban, given their tumultuous escape from Malak’s Leviathan. Mission, Jolee, and T3 had worked together to come up with some fake IDs for the Ebon Hawk, hoping that they could avoid being picked up by any Sith patrols as the ship that had just burned a hole in the Leviathan’s docking bay. Plus killing his top military officer. That probably hadn’t done them any favors either.

The entire crew was on edge, though. Bastila was being held by Malak. And Malak knew now, without a doubt, that they were searching for the Star Forge. But there was something else on the minds of everyone. 

The man they’d come to know as Dartak was actually Revan.

Dartak himself had refused that name, had refused to accept it as being who he was now. But it was something they all were thinking of. 

The part that hurt the worst, though, was how Carth looked at him.

Carth and Dartak had mutually saved each other’s lives multiple times since Dartak had awoken on Taris. They’d relied on each other, had defended and protected each other... And, Dartak had come to realize, he’d begun to feel more than just friendship towards the Republic pilot.

And now, Carth looked at him like he was the greatest monster the galaxy had ever known. Maybe Revan had been.

But when Dartak looked in the mirror, he didn’t see Darth Revan. He saw the same man who’d been there with Carth through the worst of Taris’s Undercity, through Dartak’s Jedi training, and through Carth’s struggle with his desire for revenge against Saul Karath. 

Dartak sighed as he considered things in the aft bunk quarters. He could understand Carth’s feelings of betrayal – Bastila and the Jedi Council had kept this from him, kept this a secret. They’d let him believe that he’d been just a smuggler, drafted into the Republic, and his Force sensitivity being something that had happened by as much chance as there was when discussing the Force. 

And it had all been a lie, a creation of the Jedi. Dartak was furious at them for effectively treating him like a toy they could redefine the history of. While he worried about Bastila, he also had a great deal of anger for her and her involvement, for the fact that she’d spent the last several months lying to his face.

The reveal had changed a lot of things on the Ebon Hawk. There was a different look in the eyes of the crew. Sure, in practice, Canderous was likely going to be as loyal as ever, but there was a new level to it – now he was serving with a man his people respected implicitly. Zaalbar’s lifedebt wasn’t changed due to the new past, and Big Z himself was still fairly unconcerned with the identity of who Darth Revan was, which was a minor relief, but he recognized that Dartak was now different from those earlier impressions, that he should be treated differently. Mission might have been the first to say that without the memories of Revan, he wasn’t really Revan anymore, but there was still something about the way she looked at him now – the slight hero worship that had been there since he’d taken in this street urchin from Taris and given her a home and family had grown, because now she knew just what he was truly capable of. And Juhani... Dartak had barely spoken with her since returning from the Leviathan, but knew that this was only going to cause more problems, since he’d apparently been the Jedi who’d inspired her to join the Order. He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

But, worst of all, was how Carth looked at him. As if he’d become a monster. Even though he knew that, in many ways, from Carth’s point of view, he had. Darth Revan had been a hero, and then betrayed everything that he’d fought for, that Carth had fought for. Saul Karath may have broken something in Carth, making him expect betrayal at any turn, but Darth Revan had brought Karath to that point. 

Dartak struggled to think of what would make him believe that was justified. He’d watched Taris burn as Malak had ordered its bombardment, all in the name of killing Bastila, preventing her escape. He’d been horrified at the act, the senselessness of it – even the most ruthless of generals had to believe it was better to hold a planet intact, be able to tap its resources and capabilities, even persuade its people to join your cause than just slaughter everyone below as if they were nothing. Malak was a brutal tyrant. 

Canderous had said it had been Malak who’d ordered Telos destroyed, and Dartak certainly believed it. But just because Revan hadn’t been the one who’d ordered the devastation, without Revan, there wouldn’t have been a Sith fleet to attack Telos. 

Dartak had been trying to think of what to do or say to Carth after all of this. So far, he’d given him a wide berth, knowing that he still felt the anger and pain from the betrayal. 

Dartak pulled himself off the bunk. As much as he had spent the last several hours sitting here, he knew that it would only get worse the longer that he let things wait. Korriban would be dangerous, and if he went there without clearing the air with Carth, he’d be distracted. On a planet full of Sith, that distraction could get him killed. 

He needed to speak with Carth. 

Carth was still in the cockpit, had taken to sleeping in the pilot’s chair. He’d never really liked being away from the spot anyway, and it seemed that, with the bounty that was sure to be on them from the Sith forces, after killing one of their top military officers and blasting out of the hangar of their flagship, he was only going to be more determined to be paranoid.

Dartak cleared his throat as he entered the cockpit. “Carth?”

He supposed he should take it as a good sign that Carth turned to look at him. “Yes? Is there... something you need?” If it weren’t for the hesitation, he’d almost sound like normal, like nothing had happened. The hitch in his voice said that he was trying to remain civil.

“I... think we should talk. About Malak. What he said.” Dartak didn’t think he’d ever be willing to accept the name of ‘Revan’ again – if a person was defined by their memories, he couldn’t remember being Revan. He knew who Dartak was, and he would fight to stay that man, not be whoever anyone thought he should be as Revan.

Carth nodded. “If you’re ready to talk, then alright. So am I.”

It was a better start than Dartak had expected, though he still didn’t know what that meant precisely. “Why don’t you go first, then? I think you have more to say than I do right now.”

“All right... I can’t hate you. I can’t... I look at you, and I want to see those I lost on Telos, see my wife, my son... Everyone who died. I wanted to... but I can’t. I just see the man who I’ve fought alongside since Taris. I wanted to hold you responsible for everything you... that Revan did. But I can’t.” Dartak didn’t need the Force to hear Carth’s sincerity. As guarded as he was, Dartak had come to recognize Carth’s emotions so well, he couldn’t keep them hidden. 

“Why not?” Dartak asked, hopeful that there might at least be a chance for them to patch their relationship. He dare not hope for anything more than that.

“I got the revenge I’d been looking for when Saul died, but... I haven’t felt the peace that I thought would come from it. It... it wasn’t what I needed. So it’s made me think about things from a new perspective. One that’s not... clouded by years of anger and hate and guilt. As much as I want to look at you, see Revan, see the monster I blamed for the death and devastation I saw on Telos... I keep coming back to the same conclusion: That’s not you. That’s not the man I’ve known these last few months. Whatever part of Revan that’s still inside you... It’s not who you are. The Jedi gave you the chance to be someone else, be someone other than Darth Revan. And, at least so far, you’ve been that someone else.”

Dartak took a moment to take all that in. Normally, getting Carth to talk was like pulling teeth. But clearly, he’d needed to say this. About as much as Dartak needed to hear it. 

Hearing that Carth didn’t believe him to be the rebirth of Darth Revan was immensely relieving. It said that there was some hope for their friendship to recover. It sounded, at least, like he was willing to work towards rebuilding that relationship, the friendship and trust that had been between them before the reveal had come.

“So... where does that leave us, then?”

“Well... For starters, we have a mission to complete. And while I’m sure there’s going to be some kind of temptations for you, especially on Korriban... I’ll be there to help you, watch your back, and keep you from making a mistake. At least, I hope I will.”

Dartak sighed – Korriban. The heart of the Sith war machine. A planet full of Sith and dark Jedi. If anyone was going to recognize his face, they were likely to be there. Even if he wasn’t recognized, he was still walking into the dark heart of the Sith, and Revan had fallen once. He didn’t want to fall again, but the way the Jedi had spoken, it was going to be the greatest temptation he’d experienced.

“I... Carth. I...” Dartak laughed at himself for struggling with this. “If Korriban is that temptation... I need you there to pull me back from that ledge.” 

“Of course. I’ll be there for you. Remind you of who you are.” And then Carth smiled at him.

Dartak was barely cognizant as he leaned in to kiss Carth. Their lips brushed...

...and Carth pulled back. There was surprise on his face, and Dartak could kick himself for how he’d misread him so completely.

“I... I’m sorry Carth. I shouldn’t have... I’ll go.” With that, Dartak fled the cockpit, pointedly not coming back as Carth said his name.


	2. Chapter 2

The chance to talk again was hard to find after they reached Korriban. Dartak made it a point to not be around Carth alone for the rest of the trip, and, once they reached the port of Dreshdae, they all had to play the part – Dartak, the fallen Jedi apprentice, Carth and Canderous as his slaves. Neither man had been particularly pleased with the cover, but it had been the easiest way to offer backup for Dartak – Jolee and Juhani’s lightsabers would have given them away, plus Juhani hadn’t been comfortable exposing herself to slavery and the dark side, Zaalbar was reluctant to play the part of a slave, and Mission had been shot down by Dartak himself, believing that taking a Twi’lek teenager and calling her a slave would have been putting her in a bad situation she shouldn’t be in. 

In the Academy, they had found Carth’s son, Dustil. Dartak had found a datapad in Master Uthar’s chambers that spoke of how the Sith had killed his friend in order to ‘enhance’ his training. Dustil had turned his back on the Sith at that point, sneaking off to warn other friends of his of the Sith treachery. There was a message waiting for Carth when they’d all returned to the Ebon Hawk after finding the Star Map saying that he’d managed to get away from the Academy before it had erupted into violence, and he had a handful of his friends with him.

That message had Carth in high spirits, though his good mood darkened somewhat when he realized that Dartak was still avoiding him. He was, likely, using the excuse of assembling the data from the various Star Maps to see if they pointed the way to the Star Forge, but Carth knew that it would be just as easy to ask T3 to do that, and significantly faster. Hell, the droid probably already had done it and was waiting for Dartak to give him the approval to send it to the Republic fleet.

No, Dartak was avoiding him, trying not to let what had happened earlier, when he’d kissed Carth, be a source of discussion.

Carth shook his head as he sat in the main hold of the ship. They were currently floating free in intergalactic space, waiting for the data to be assembled. He glanced over to the storage compartment, where Juhani sat, meditating. 

She soon seemed to recognize he was staring. Her eyes opened and she rose. “Yes, Carth? Is there something you wanted to discuss with me?”

“I’m... not entirely certain. I suppose I need to talk, and you happen to be here, so...”

She nodded in understanding and joined him at one of the seats around the holoterminal. “Mission mentioned you heard from your son, that he made it out of the Academy before the students began to slaughter everyone.”

“That’s right. He managed to get away, and is heading for Telos. He plans to help rebuild. Hopefully, when this hunt for the Star Forge is over... I’ll join him.”

“That is good, Carth. Whatever else may come, I am pleased that you have that to hold on to.” She paused for a moment, as if waiting for him to speak. When he didn’t, she fixed him with a contemplative look. “But that is not what is weighing on your mind.”

It didn’t take Jedi abilities to tell that. “I... Before we reached Korriban, Dartak... kissed me.”

“I see.” Juhani was silent a moment. “The Jedi Council would say that such feelings are the path to the dark side,” she said. It sounded like she was reciting the Code more than voicing an opinion. 

Still, Carth had, from the moment he’d first heard of the Jedi’s beliefs against marriage or even love, found that a dangerous belief in and of itself. “I can’t accept that. Without love, we’d be no better than the Sith. If they act based on fear and hate... Surely love and compassion are the best counters to them.” A lesson he’d learned the hard way, given Saul – as he’d said to Dartak, he had just felt empty after killing the man who’d betrayed him and his home. Between that and his encounter with Dustil, he was already beginning to recognize how he’d pushed himself to that dividing line between what the Jedi would call ‘light side’ and ‘dark side.’

“I... have wondered about that myself. It has been one of the most difficult lessons of the Jedi for me, as well. In many ways, I loved my master, Quatra. Though when I think of her now, I don’t believe she would have ever returned those feelings, even were we not Jedi, or master and apprentice. It was... an idolization.” There was a wistful look in her eyes as she spoke of Quatra, the kind that came from the time and distance needed to recognize that her feelings were not returned and would never be and accept that fact. 

“I don’t see any shame there, Juhani.” He’d idolized Saul, after all. He may not have been in love with him, but he certainly had seen him as a mentor and father figure. “These feelings are natural. They’re how we’re built. We’re supposed to connect to others. If we don’t... we just lose ourselves.”

Juhani didn’t seem entirely convinced by his words. “Perhaps. However, I don’t believe we’re likely to come to some revelation the Jedi Masters have missed here.” True enough. That was one of those topics of conversations that could take a lifetime and still not come to a satisfactory solution. “You said that he kissed you. Does that mean that his actions were... unwelcome?”

That was the billion credit question, wasn’t it? Carth had been surprised, certainly – he hadn’t realized that Dartak had felt that way. He’d honestly thought that something had been building between Dartak and Bastila, though the realization had brought into focus several moments between him and Dartak that made it clear that he’d simply misread the signs. 

He’d spent much of their time on Korriban, when he hadn’t been thinking about Dustil, thinking it over. He had never really given thought to the possibility of being with someone after his wife’s death. If he was completely honest, a part of him had expected that he’d die in combat against Saul. With the recognition that he had survived that encounter, Carth hadn’t yet fully figured out how he wanted to approach his life now.

“I... I’m still not completely sure. My life for the last two years has been about stopping the Sith... getting revenge for my family. Now... Saul’s dead, my son is alive, and someone is interested in me. It’s all a very new world for me.” He wasn’t sure where he intended things to go from here. If he made it out alive... He wasn’t sure what he’d do when the fighting ended.

Sitting next to him, Juhani considered her response carefully. “I know that the proper Jedi response would likely be to tell you that he is a Jedi, and such feelings should be discouraged, that you should find a way to persuade him to accept and move on from them. But my experience with him, not as Revan but as Padawan Dartak, as a Jedi Knight who has led us to this point says that he is... unconventional at best, and that perhaps the Jedi Order can be too strict.” Her lips quirked in a gentle smile. “It would take an unconventional Jedi to stop a scared and terrified Jedi who had given in to the darkness within her, listen, and tell her that she deserved forgiveness, compassion, and understanding.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” Carth and Juhani turned to see Jolee standing in the doorframe between the hold and the hall to the medbay. “Sorry for eavesdropping, but when someone is critical of the Jedi Council, my ears start burning and I have to join in.” His feelings about the Jedi Order and the Jedi Council had been rather public. “For what it’s worth, Carth... I know many a Jedi who would be able to argue the idea that romantic attachments are the danger that the modern Council claims. I could offer chapter and verse about the Jedi’s rules and how much they deny nature.”

Carth smiled at his open disapproval for the Jedi Council’s attitude. There was a lot they did for the galaxy, certainly. But there was so much distance between the Council and the galaxy’s inhabitants, they might as well be in another universe entirely. “So what would you suggest, Jolee?”

The older Jedi shrugged. “Oh, you don’t need my advice to make a decision about this. This is about your life. Not mine.” He paused for a moment, then, as if realizing that Carth was going to push for his opinion, he continued. “But what it ultimately comes down to is this: When you look into your future, no Force insight needed... What do you want to see? Are you standing at it by his side? Is he at yours? Or are you just good friend with medals on your chest? That’s the decision you need to make.” He cocked his head, and Carth could hear footsteps moving from the communications room Dartak had retreated to. “By the sound of it, you may soon have a chance for an answer. It sounds like we have a destination.”

Moments later, Dartak entered the main hold. “I’ve set a course for the Star Forge. Unless there are any objections, we’re heading straight there.” There was a determined look to his face, and Carth knew that any objections would have been pointless, even had they existed. He could also tell that there wasn’t going to be time to talk on the trip – this was the time he needed to fortify himself. He would face Malak on the Star Forge. And when that happened...

The idea of Dartak falling in battle – of Dartak falling at all, in either sense of the word - chilled Carth to the bone. And maybe that was the answer to Jolee’s question.


	3. Chapter 3

In some ways, it was a good thing that the Ebon Hawk had crashed and blown out the stabilizers. It had quickly become apparent that just dealing with the things on this beach were trouble enough for the non-Force users on the team, which meant that Carth, Mission, Zaalbar, Canderous, and even T3 had been confined to the ship to work on repairs. And that kept Carth occupied as Dartak ran around on a planet full of brain-eating aliens and rancors and Mandalorians and Force knew what else was out there that might try to kill him. Sure, he had Jolee, Juhani, and HK-47 backing him up, but still... Carth worried.

That did, however, cause some problems once the repairs were done. Carth was itching to go to Dartak’s side, and he knew he wasn’t alone. But Dartak had to go into the Temple of the Rakatan Ancients on his own. 

Then Jolee and Juhani had had their Force vision, and it only made Carth more impatient to get out there and do something to help Dartak. 

“Geez, Carth. You’re more jumpy than those gizka were when HK came on board,” Mission said after he had paced through the ship for at least the fifth time.

Carth paused, leaning against the wall. “I’m making a nuisance of myself, then?”

“A little one,” she said with a smile. “He’ll be okay, Carth. He’s come this far, there’s no way Malak’s gonna have anything there that can stop him from coming back.” Her words had an undercurrent – that there was no way that Malak could stop Dartak from coming back to him. She didn’t need to say it for Carth to hear it. He tried to draw strength from her words.

Still, a short while later, he moved his pacing to outside the ship, calling it a ‘visual inspection’ to ‘make sure the hull was intact.’ 

But it wasn’t long after that when Dartak, Jolee, and Juhani came back from the Temple. Carth instantly broke into a smile seeing Dartak come into view. The smile quickly fell when he saw that Dartak was visibly shaken. When the others explained what had happened at the temple’s summit, he couldn’t blame him. Bastila, following Malak? How could she have...

Carth stopped himself from wondering. Between Dustil, Dartak’s past as Revan, and now Bastila, he could all too easily see how a person could go to the dark side. He still didn’t believe the Jedi Council’s over-caution of emotions held any water, but the dangers of the dark side... That he believed in.

As they all piled back into the Ebon Hawk, Carth caught Dartak’s arm as the loading ramp pulled back into place. “The others can handle the last minute repairs. I... Can we talk a minute? I... I don’t know if we’ll get another chance.”

The look on Dartak’s face was almost like a man going to an execution. Still, he followed Carth to the bunk by the airlock where Mission normally claimed as a ‘work station.’ “Carth, I-”

But Carth cut him off, before he could say whatever variant of ‘let’s forget what happened’ he was going to say. “Please. I need to say something first. While you were out there, I had a lot of time here to think, to go over... everything that we’ve been through. And when I thought about what it would be like to lose you, I... I couldn’t stand the thought. It’s been a long time since I really felt like I had a future. I was so... so sure that when I finally got the revenge I wanted on Saul that... that I’d die in the process. But I didn’t. And now I can think about what’s to come, what I want from the future, and...” Carth knew that at this point he was rambling, and decided to cut to the chase. “When you kissed me, it was unexpected. But... It’s not unwelcome.”

For a moment, Dartak was stunned, not able to do more than stare at Carth in shock. Then he found his voice. “You pick now to tell me this? Right before we go to take down the Star Forge?”

The bluntness of the statement threw Carth for a bit of a loop. Now it was him taking a moment to collect his thoughts. He gave an embarrassed chuckle. “Well... I suppose it’s to give you motivation to make it through this. Look, I know that there’s going to be a lot for you to parse through once we have a minute to breath. But... I intend to make it through this. And I hope you do, too. So when the Republic is saved and they’ve pinned the medals to our chests... You find me. Because I... I think there’s going to be a lot for us to discuss.”

Dartak nodded and started to turn back to the cockpit, lay in the intercept course with the Star Forge. But then he paused and looked back to Carth. “If I’m going to have motivation to come back, then I want to do this properly.” And with that, he surged towards Carth, their lips meeting, his arms wrapping around Carth, pulling him close. 

This time, Carth eagerly returned the kiss. And he made a promise to himself that he would have the opportunity to kiss Dartak many, many more times.


End file.
